Struggle (01/07/09)

So, originally I wanted to blog about the lack of good teen-oriented Pagan books, specifically citing SRW's Teen Witch. And I'll have to save that for later.

I'm having some internal issues. If you are of the witchy perspective, remember when you first discovered the path? The excitement and how everything was just. so. fascinating? And there was SO much to learn. So, what happens 12 years later, once you've learned a lot, put it into practice, experienced much? An abrupt change can happen. Something that shakes your faith up a bit. You can tell in my previous blog post that I'm having issues with the eclecticism of my path. I believe in eclecticism, but I feel like personally, its gone to far for me. Planning circles for my group is difficult, because its different every single time. And my group is very small, so although rituals are planned and written by the whole group, its still a lot of work. I feel as though if we focused on simply Celtic, Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Sumerian pantheons, that we'd be able to focus more. I feel unrooted. I honor who I honor, but my practices are so varied. And it puts me in a shitty place.

And so I meditated. I did a visualization pathworking, where I chose between the goddess that I know, and the unknown. The path I walked was to the unknown. It took me to a mirror, and looped me back on the path right back to the goddess. The Goddess threw back her cloak and it fell to the floor with nothing/no one underneath. Just a puddle of cloak on the floor. I asked for a sign, to help. I got a small box, inside was a music note, a harp, and a feeling of kinship. Which might lead me to the Celtic pantheon- which is interesting, because while I know they are the Gods of my ancestors, I've been drawn lately to the Greek Gods. So, I have a mirror- to look inside myself (or maybe AT myself, again the Celtic Gods), and allusions to the Celts (specifically Irish). *sigh* So, maybe thats what I need to do, even though I still am SO interested in the Greek pantheon, especially Artemis. Shit.

And all of this leads to the question- what of the group. If I am to immerse myself in Celtic culture, how am I to find time to devote to the group, and my studies? So much time is already taken up with the group.

On another note:I was on another forum tonight. I don't believe people who say that there isn't enough time to devote to their witchcraft studies. It's really a pet peeve of mine. Really? You don't have time? Take a book and put it by the toilet. That's something you can do and multi task. Make flash cards- I found an app for my ipod and created flash cards to learn the magickal properties of herbs and crystals. Its interesting to me, so I find time. Don't tell me that you went out last night and partied, but you don't have time to devote to your studies? Prioritize! I'm not saying that you MUST STUDY. But if you are interested, and want to learn something, don't bitch about the lack of time. Make flash cards and keep them in your purse. Make. The. Time.
Anyway, back to my issue. So, what can I do? Can't change the group- its not fair to them. Do I leave the group? It's so small as it is, I don't know what might happen.