Limitations

Do we accept our limitations or strive to break through what holds us back. How long is too long to work on something before accepting that it will always one one back? Five years? 10 years? 20 years? Is there a "higher Reason" why this happens? Should we focus on something else in it's stead?

I cannot do public speaking. When I first joined the industry that I am currently in, I couldn't speak at my first sales meeting. There were about seven other people around the table. All I had to say was one personal success story for the week. I eeked it out and felt profound relief. I've always had issues talking in front of people. I've taken speech classes, oral interpretation classes, drama classes, to try to feel more comfortable, as people have always told me that this was the best thing to do. Still. when I have to speak on a conference call, I fall into an overly mental place, listening to how my words sound, and basically psyching myself out while at the same time, trying to present whatever piece I'm supposed to be talking about.

As a high priestess, this hasn't really held me back too much, as I know what I'm talking about, and speak to only small groups of people (usually already friends, or brand-new friends). Sometimes during class or ritual, I'll find myself falling into that overly mental place. but am able to bring myself out of it. Maybe it's easier, as I don't feel like I need to prove myself or advance in any way.

This year at work has been a little bit better, as my job has required me to hold several WebEx conference calls with small groups of people. It's a lot easier to speak on a topic when I know what I'm talking about. I have never had any problems with training people, nor speaking up in a meeting, when I feel that I have something that needs to be said. It's just that weird middle- just talking about something- that's difficult for me.

Now, I have tried to push past this for about fifteen years now, and it's definitely an obstacle in my career path. My question is, at what point do I give up on trying to advance myself in my career? Do I have to choose to either be happy where I am forever, or feel like I'm Sisyphus, trying to forever roll my boulder uphill, only to have it roll back down, never making any progress. That's something I'm trying to work out.