Hair Flowers!

So, I know I haven't posted in awhile, but I wanted to share my little hair flowers that I've created. I've been really busy working on crafts for Pagan Pride Day this weekend, but haven't had a chance to photograph them all just yet. :)

Coven Member Collection

I recently received an email on one of my witchy yahoogroups. It was about a Pagan Meet and included these words: Meet new people and check out the members of my Coven!

Oh my goodness! If my high priest/ess had sent an email like this inviting people to come meet new people and “check me out” I would leave in a heartbeat. People are not for display, nor are members of a coven collectable. The point isn’t to get as many people as you can, or to grow your number. A coven is a spiritual family, and whether you have a group of 3 or 13, the point is to become close-knit like a common family. “Our numbers are growing” is another phrase I have seen from people who are creating new covens. It’s not a war- you aren’t building an army. Sure, it’s nice to have more like-minded people around, but I bet that these new leaders of groups will find out very quickly that more does not always equal better.

This was one of the issues with the first covens I participated in. We had 13 or so people, but not all of them were on the same page. Some wanted a teaching group, some wanted it to be a working group, some had Norse leanings, others wanted to honor deities of other cultures. Expectations were not laid out, the group cohesiveness was missing, and the leader accepted anyone who wanted to join. Which meant we had a few people with some sort of traditional training, and others who thought that they could fly. The group fell apart in less than a year. If one focuses on quantity, rather than quality- then this will be the eventual outcome. People will be unhappy, and leave. A coven is also not about the high priestess. A coven is about the group- the synergy that is created when all are of one hive mind. If a high priestess is on a power trip, then she won’t have members for long. Unless she likes the simpering sycophant. But sycophants do not make the best energy work partners.

I don’t know. This email made me stop and think. As I don’t really know anyone on the list, and don’t want to get a reputation of a troublemaker I’ll keep my mouth shut. When really I’d like to gently let the writer know that his/her coven members might not appreciate being objectified. But I’m pretty sure, I’d get that overly-diplomatic, holier than thou reputation that I wrote about in my last blog. I might reach out to this person and touch base with them, as I’d like to get a community ritual together. And it’s completely possible that the writer misspoke. If this is so, I’m glad s/he did so that I’d be inspired to share my feelings on groupweaving on my blog.

Disappointment, Feelings and Analyzing

I have flaming angry PMS. And I haven’t blogged for awhile. Its only in the past year that I’ve really started getting PMS. Short TMI alert. My boobs get sore, I go from normal to ragetastic in 3.4 seconds, and its hard to keep a grip on that. I also want to eat EVERYTHING. Kind of like when I have to take the Prednisone. STARVING. Makes me really look forward to actually having a period.

So, I haven’t let the environmental issues at home get to me, really. The kitchen is torn up, the office is of torn up. The playroom is crowded, and so is my room. The backyard still has a bunch of shit in it. I’m so disappointed. I’ve been so focused on trying to stay positive for the past month or so, and now I’m letting myself let things go. Like, I was so excited to have a birthday party. I haven’t had a REAL birthday party since I was like 12 or 13 and last year, for my 30th, we were struggling to even pay bills on time to not let things get shut off. So, needless to say, no party for me. So, I had decided that I was going to have a party this year- it was going to be my 30th birthday party- on my 31st birthday. It was supposed to be funny. I really wanted to have a party for that milestone, so why not? Well, with all of the shit going on, its not going to happen.

Obviously. I’m not trying to dwell on it, but this weekend is my birthday, and I had planned out this awesome party. Not like anyone knew that/what I was planning, but I was really excited about it. I can’t do it next year, either, because while having a 30th birthday party on a 31st birthday is funny, having it on a 32nd birthday would just be sad. I know, in the big scheme of things, in the big picture, its not that important. I’m healthy, I can actually pay my bills on time now. I have a great, loving husband, and a great family. But I think its still okay to be disappointed. I try to stay on the positive side, a lot, and I try not to let things “get me down,” and I try to ignore things that bother me, but I think it’s probably better to be authentic- and recognize things that suck, while letting them go. It’s okay to be upset and disappointed, because it isn’t fair. But that’s life.

In addition to this, last weekend, a girl quit a yahoogroup ( but we meet in person) that I’m a listmom for, in a very dramatic way. Basically said that no one cared about her, etc. She said she sent it to all of the groups she was part of. I was irritated because I felt as though she was telling US that we didn’t care, etc. Which is exactly what she did do. Even though I got a little mama bear on her, I tried to help her, and tell her she could work through her problems, and I could tell she was strong by her posts on the group (which is all true). I got a very very angry and mean email back. People in the yahoogroup were quick to respond- they defended me, they are really supportive, but I got a lot of “she just didn’t know how to take you.” Both on the list and off. This event has me re-thinking (and over analyzing) what I post from now on. In my passion for trying to help people, It’s possible that I come off holier than thou sometimes, when that’s the last thing I mean to come off of. I am protective, though not possessive, and I’ve been mistaken for being power-trippy, when that’s the LAST thing I am.

It makes me want to take a break from EVERY SOCIAL GROUP / INTERNET GROUP so that I can over analyze in peace for awhile, and get back to being okay with what I type. I’ll be posting less, that’s for sure.

I try to be really diplomatic. Some people get a chuckle out of this. But it’s not easy to be diplomatic. Really. Not. Easy. Especially when I want to tell people what I really think. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings- so I avoid this at almost any cost. Especially when someone is lashing out and hurting. I’m just glad the listquitter didn’t quit this week- as I’m easily angered, and could easily have fired off an email that she could have construed as hurtful. Not like that would be any different than what I originally sent. One day, I’ll probably tell people what I really think. Ivy uncensored.

Labor Day Weekend

This is the least intuitive computer I've ever been on. When I double-click on a picture, don't open photoshop- it takes like 10 minutes to fully load. Damnit. Anyway.

This labor day weekend has been full of labor, and lazy. This past Saturday, my coven had an open event called Night of a Thousand Goddesses. It was really nice. Too bad my wrist was hurting so much, I could barely concentrate on my presentation. Blowage. We had new interested sisters, and I like to be at my best when we have new people. Oh well. Perhaps its the Goddess telling me I try too hard? I learned two things that night: 1) I shrug my shoulders like a moron when I get excited, and 2) if I write notecards from what I know, just go from my brain, stop focusing o the cards. I was in a lot of pain, so I wasn't at my best, like I said. Bummer.

I don't know whats really up with my wrist and forearms, but they were hurting like the dickens, with big swollen lumps of muscley goodness Saturday night into Sunday morning. Sunday, I ran around with the hubby- picked up some sweet tea vodka. Yup, its super super good. Today, I helped my MIL pick out some new rugs for her bathroom. I think she wants to upgrade the style of her bathroom. Cool deal!

We ate so well tonight. Crab legs, shrimp, steak, corn on the cob... yummers! I only ate a little of each, as my tummy hates it when I mix my meats. *rimshot*

I uploaded my Lopez Lake camping pics to my facebook and my photobucket. Had hives really bad- scratched myself scabby this weekend. So, I sucked it up and took the prednisone. It drive me crazy because it makes me want to eat everything in sight! So its harder than usual to not do that!

And what would a blog entry be without a cat video/photo/story. Okay, so I went to put away my laundry (yay, its all done), and I found the cat in my back room. The back room is a mess due to the flooding issues we had here, and so the cat was crazy and climbed the the highest point in the room. So, of course I took a little video. I was crazy sceered that she would hit her head on the ceiling fan...